Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger
The Bear's Place girl story
I'm at Bear's Place. It's a bar in Bloomington. They have comedy on Saturdays. It's a light crowd because school is out for the summer. The comedian asked if there were any single girls in the audience. Only two girls clap. I make a note of it.
After the show, I go up to the cuter of the two and say, "I heard you clapping for single girls."
She laughed. "Yeah, that was me."
I took a step back, straightened up my posture, and in the cheesiest greaseball voice I could muster, I asked, "So what are you doing after?"
She laughed again. "I don't know. What are we doing?" she shot back.
I did a double take. I was just asking because I thought it would be funny. I had not planned for this. "Um...Kilroy's Sports Bar?" I suggested.
"Oh my God!" She yelled, "That's my favorite bar!" Sports is a lot of people's favorite bar. It really isn't much of a surprise when two random strangers both like Sports. But I milked it for all it was worth.
"Oh my God!" I echoed. "Mine too!" I threw my hands up in the air and then gave her a big hug. Some nights, that would be the most intimate contact I would get.
I settled down a little and then told her I would see her there. This whole encounter started as a joke, and I wanted to make sure she really was interested. If she wasn't, she just wouldn't go to Sports. Nobody gets hurt.
Mike, Lisa and I went on to sports. While we were waiting in line, Mike saw a street vendor selling ribs. We'd had those ribs before, and they were really good. I told him to go get some and I would hold the place in line.
He came back with three huge ribs, dripping with Barbeque sauce. I damn near buttered my shorts. He gave me the biggest one and took the other two. I am sitting there chowing on my rib. I noticed a little too late that the bone only went through half the slab of meat I had in my hand. The boneless half broke off and tumbled right down the front of my shirt.
My hands are covered in sauce, and now I've got a big sauce stain on my shirt. I turn to a couple girls behind us and said, "I'm getting no chicks tonight." They laughed and agreed. Sometimes you don't want people to agree with you.
We got to the front of the line while I was still covered in barbeque sauce. There was a guy checking IDs and a girl taking the money. I showed them my hands and then asked the girl if she would pull out my wallet and take the money. She did! I was still pumped from the Bear's Place girl encounter, and once a computer geek like me finds something that works, he sticks with it. So I said in the same voice as before, "So what are you doing after?" She was having none of it. She laughed and then dismissed me with a sweeping motion.
I went into the bathroom and washed my shirt. I was standing by the hand dryer, drying off the wet spot. Four different guys asked me if I pissed myself. I assured them all that my shirt was wet because I washed barbeque sauce off it. One guy says, "Yeah, I remember the first time I used the barbeque sauce excuse."
Mike, Lisa had found a table while I was in the bathroom. We sat there for a while. Mike is a real asshole, so it's fun to sit and watch how he treats Lisa. After a while, I told them I was going to go look for the girl from Bear's place.
Sports is a pretty big bar. I went around the backside of the downstairs island bar, the through the back room and up the back stairs. It didn't take long to search upstairs because the band was taking a break. I went through the patio and then down the front stairs. I decided to make one more lap around the big bar. No sign of her.
As I was heading back to the table, some guy poked me on the shoulder. I turned around, but I did not know the guy.
He leans close to me and looks like he's got a hot stock tip or wants to sell me a watch. He says, "Hey, that girls from Bear's place is here. Go talk to her."
I look up and sure enough, there she is. She was a little shorter than I remembered, so I guess that's why I missed her.
So I go talk to he and find out she's out with her mother and her brother. I thought that was a little odd, so I asked "Are you out celebrating something?"
"Oh my god!" she yells. "What time is it?" I thought that was a little odd, but I reached for my cell phone, to check the time. "Is it August 3rd yet?" She asked.
It was 1:30 AM, on August third. I told her. "It's my birthday!" she said.
"Happy Birthday!" I shot back.
"You're the first person to wish me happy birthday!" she was so excited.
We talked for a little longer and I told her I would meet her upstairs. I don't know why I was so into telling her I would meet her in different places that night. I found out her name is Sarah.
After a couple minutes, I dragged Mike and Lisa upstairs. The band came back from their break after just a couple minutes. They played one song and then announced that it was some girl's birthday (not Sarah). The lead singer got the girl to come up on stage along with one of her friends. Then he announced that it was time for birthday spanking. The friend started spanking the birthday girl, and she was really getting into it. It was hot.
Then the singer opened the offer up to anybody and everybody. There was a line of guys forming at the stage. I forgot my mission for the night and got in line for a free chance to touch some ass.
When that girl was done, the singer announced it was also Sarah's birthday! Oh Shit! What if Sarah saw me up on stage with that other girl?
"Sarah?" the singer called.
"Sarah? Come get your birthday spankings!" There was no Sarah to be found. My only chance was that Sarah was still downstairs and had not seen the whole thing. I told Mike and Lisa I was going to go tell Sarah that the band was playing.
I found Sarah downstairs. I told her the band was starting up again and she should come upstairs. I told her she was just as well off downstairs at that moment, though. I told her about how that band called up that other birthday girl and declared open season on getting spankings from perfect strangers. I left out my part in the incident.
"Wow," she said, "not that I'm against that sort of thing, but Oh my God!" Being a guy, I pictured myself spanking her at her place later that night. It was going to be a good night.
I went back upstairs to wait for her. Mike told me it was time to go. Lisa was pissed about something or other. I told him I'd walk back to his place and asked him to leave the door unlocked.
Sarah came up shortly after Mike and Lisa left. I went over and danced with her until the band stopped playing. At one point her brother said something I didn't hear, but it made her mad. She bit her lower lip, leaned back, thrust her pelvis forward and flipped him off with both hand at waist level. She had all the posture of a tough biker chick that could deliver on such a threat, and yet she was 5'2' and about 103 pounds. It was the funniest thing I'd seen all night.
I leaned over to her and said, "CLASSY!"
She looked really embarrassed. "Oh my God, I'm sorry!" and she was. "I can't believe you saw that"
"Don't apologize! I loved it!" I said. I don't think it was much comfort.
Here's that part that pissed me off. At about 3AM, the band had finished their show and the place was playing some dance music until they kicked everybody out. During the last song, some guy comes out of nowhere and just starts dancing with Sarah. I got on the other side and kept dancing, trying to let him know he was in on my territory.
He didn't get the message and when the music stopped, he started talking to her. This guy looked kind of like Adam Carolla, Joey from Friends and Pee Wee Herman all had a kid together. You may think the first two guys are cute, but throw some Pee Wee Herman in there and you get one goofy looking guy.
In the short talk they had, he invites to NASCAR the next day. She was excited. I spent all night working on this girl and this guy shows up right at closing with NASCAR tickets. It was like getting sniped on eBay. He gets her phone number and says he'll call her at 10 the next morning.
I asked her brother what was going on. He shrugged. I knew he was routing for me. "Do something!" I said. His eyes lit up. He pulled out a cell phone - it was hers and he was holding it because she had no pockets.
He handed the phone to her. "Your boyfriend's on the phone." he announced, loud enough for Pee Wee to hear.
She looked surprised. She took the phone. She answered. There was nobody there. She slapped her brother. Pee Wee persisted.
"Wait," I said to her brother, "What's her phone number?" I pulled out my phone and dialed the number. He answered and then gave her the phone again with the same routine. This time she looked and saw there really was a call.
She answered and started asking all these questions, but I couldn't hear a thing over the crowd noise. I just kept asking, "Who's that guy?!?!?" She was starting to get really mad, then her mother tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at me in the corner. Up until then, she thought it was one of her ex-boyfriends stalking her. She laughed once the gig was up.
Eventually, Pee Wee left, secure in the thought that he had NASCAR tickets, and I didn't. Under normal circumstances, I would have cut my losses as soon as I found out she was into NASCAR, but she was very attractive and I had invested a lot of time into this one. Besides, I've been living in Indiana long enough that I am starting to accept some of their more primitive customs.
We were walking out of the bar and I asked if she was doing anything after. She said she was just going to go home. I asked if I could call her.
"Absolutely!" she said. That was encouraging.
I called her shortly before midnight the next night. I told her since I was the first person to wish her a happy birthday, I wanted to be the last. I asked her if she had fun at NASCAR. She said she didn't go - she wasn't interested at all and she was just humoring him.
We talked for a while and she asked when I would be in Bloomington again. I told her Thursday. She asked if I wanted to hang out. It was a good thing I was coming back so soon because she was moving to Indianapolis on Saturday.
On Thursday, I called from my car and asked if she was still free.
"That's tonight?!?!?" she asked. She seemed like she was genuinely caught off guard. "I can't make it. I have so much packing to do!"
Then she told me it was probably for the better since she wasn't going to be around much longer and didn't want to start anything. Whatever. I live in Terre Haute, and driving to Indianapolis would be no different than driving to Indianapolis. I guess she was just humoring me like she did with Pee Wee.