Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger
Guide to Drinking Girl Drinks
I recently received the e-mail below recommending a certain drink. The sender is from a far-off foreign land, so she did not know the customs that Americans have surrounding masculinity. I explained one of the rituals that we follow, and it was the first time she had heard it. I figured I would also post it here that others could enjoy the educational opportunity.
----- Original Message -----
From: Hana
To: Zach
Sent: Monday, March 13, 2006 7:21 AM
Subject: Re:
Hey Zach!
Just came back from the Macaroni Grill,where I went with Dan and Lucy...They have an amazing Sour Apple Martini-yummi!!!!You must try it when you come back! It smells really,really nice and tastes even better..Heavenly drink,indeed:-)
----- My reply -----
From: Zach
To: Hana
Sent: Tuesday, March 14, 2006 12:22 PM
Subject: Re: Re:
Real men don't drink Sour Apple Martinis. I don't mind trying it, but there is a very specific ritual when a manly man drinks a girly drink.
First, the woman orders her drink and tastes it. Then she says to the man, "This is good, you should try it!" It is critical that she is enthusiastic when she offers the drink. The man looks at the drink, then looks at the woman. His eyes say, "Are you crazy?" there is a brief pause until his eyes go back to normal, then he says a simple, "No thank you."
At this point, the woman needs to touch the man. She can put her hand in his lap, or touch his lower back, whatever, but there has to be some exaggerated flirting. Everybody must know the man is such a manly man that sexy women cannot take their hands off him. The woman then looks down with her face, but up with here eyes. If there is a straw in the drink, she takes a sip. If there is no straw, then she shakes the drink in small circles so that it swirls around in the glass. She says in a slightly deeper voice then normal, "but it's soooooo good."
People watch the man's face as he realizes he is going to have sex that night. It is at that point that he is permitted some leeway in maintaining his manly image. At no point does the man hold the drink. The woman holds it while the man takes a small drink. There is an awkward silence, and the woman asks, "Well . . .what do you think?" The man answers with a very non-committal "It's not bad."
At this point, there's an amusing little trick that a sassy young lady can pull. As soon as the man says "It's not bad," the woman hands the drink to him and says "Then you finish it. I don't like it." You won't be able to pull this trick on me, and in fact I will take any attempt as an excuse to end the evening early.