Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger

Humor Archive

Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

  1. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
  2. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
  3. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
  4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
  6. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
  7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
  8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
  9. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
  10. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
  11. Meow occassionally.
  12. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Curse anyone who does not express interest in your talent. Complain about the downfall of society's interest in the performing arts.
  13. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Ask if they will help you use the emergency phone to get medical attention. If they refuse, ask them to at least kiss your cut "like mom used to."
  14. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
  15. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
  16. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
  17. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
  18. Ask each passenger getting *off* if you can push the button for them.
  19. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" Demand a strip search of all passengers when no one confesses to having a beeper.
  20. Play the harmonica. Ask your fellow passengers if they happen to have a can of beans and some firewood.
  21. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
  22. Lean against the button panel.
  23. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
  24. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
  25. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
  26. Bring a chair along.
  27. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Refuse to discuss it.
  28. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  29. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
  30. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
  31. Countdown "5...4...3...2...1" and then suddenly duck.
  32. Sell motion sickness medicine.
  33. Eat butter.
  34. Walk in, look confused, and ask, "Where's the pedals?"
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