Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger
Humor Archive
Happy Yippie
Fun Dance Jump Bear
and the
Beauty Cutie Fruity Toodle Day
P A R T O N Eby Rocinante
One day, Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear was skipping through the north end of the Yicky Bicky Lemon Yum Leaf Forest, as he does every Tuesday and Friday, saying HiHiHelloHowdyHoopyDoo to all his friends and giving them a special WowzyDoodleBuggy Hug, and letting them know what a skippy yippie happy ladybugeyelash good mood he was in.
He came over a small hill, and saw his friend Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle. "HihiHelloHowdyHoopyDoo, Mrs. Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle!" said Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear.
"And a HiHiHelloHowdyHoopyDoo to you too, Mr. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear!" said Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle.
"It's such a BeautyCutieFruityToodle Day!" said Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear. "And I'm in such a skippy yippie happy ladybugeyelash good mood! Here's a special WowzyDoodleBuggy Hug just for you!" With that, Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear wrapped his arms around Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle, and gave her the biggest, bestest WowzyDoodleBuggy Hug he had ever given her.
"Ooooooooo," said Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle. "I just love it when you give me your special WowzaDoodleBuggy Hug, Mr. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear! I'm so glad this BeautyCutieFruityToodle Day has put you in such a skippy yippie happy ladybugeyelash good mood!"
"See you later, Mrs. Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle!" said Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear. "Enjoy the rest of this BeautyCutieFruityToodle Day!" And with a wave and a blown kiss, Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear was on his way, for he wasn't just skipping through the Yicky Bicky Lemon Yum Leaf Forest just to say HiHiHelloHowdyHoopyDoo to all his good friends. Oh no. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear was on his way to get his favorite breakfast - a yummy blossom from an Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear knew that the Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bushes only grew on the north side of the Yicky Bicky Lemon Yum Leaf Forest. As he lived on the south side of the Yicky Bicky Lemon Yum Leaf Forest, he didn't mind going all that way just for a blossom from an Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush - as it gave him the opportunity to give all his good friends his special WowzaDoodleBuggy Hug - because to Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear, every day was a BeautyCutieFruityToodle Day.
As he arrived in the field where the Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bushes grew, Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear noticed that all the blossoms had still not grown back completely from the Wing Sing WackaMeegle Joy Party that he and all his friends had two weeks ago. "Oh, Pooples," sighed Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear. "I just have to have an Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush blossom for breakfast if this to continue being a BeautyCutieFruityToodle Day!"
Just then, Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear spied an Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush across the road on the other side of a small fence that had not been touched from the Wing Sing WackaMeegle Joy Party. "That fence doesn't look very high," thought Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear. "I can get over that easily, and feast on my favorite Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush blossom breakfast!" With this, he did a little spin, clicked his heels, and started off for the fence and the bush, his head filled with slurpy syrupy thoughts of an Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush blossom breakfast treat filling his round little belly.
Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear's head was so filled with those thoughts, in fact, that he didn't notice the orange-and-rust-colored 1978 Buick Regal driven by Mr. Darren Smidler of 12318 Oaklawn Park Drive. Mr. Darren Smidler's head was full of thoughts of breakfast, too - at the Denny's on the corner of 14th and Mapleleaf. He knew that there waiting for him, as soon as he ordered it, was a heaping plate of pancakes dripping with butter and drowning in apricot syrup, running over onto the three eggs over easy and six pieces of bacon. He loved to mash the entire plate into a sort of soup, and sop up the leftovers with pieces of dry french toast, sprinkled liberally with powdered sugar. Mr. Darren Smidler's head was so filled with those thoughts, in fact, that he didn't notice how fast he was going, or what may lie in the road ahead of him.
Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear didn't notice the approaching car until it was just a few feet from him. He saw the gleam of sunlight flash off of what little chrome was left on the front bumper. The flash froze him in place for a second. Then his instincts took over, and he curled up his legs to dive for the side of the road.
He reacted too late, failing to take into account the speed which a 1978 Buick Regal can attain coming over the rise of a road, not factoring in the inertia of the 3845-pound weight and the push from the torque of the optional 350-cubic-inch V-8 with the Rochester Quadrajet four-barrel carburetor and TurboHydroMatic 350 transmission. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear was engulfed in the wrenching pain as his right rear foot was crushed under the treads of the Michelin XR4 235R75-15 all season radial on the right front of the 1978 Buick Regal. His eyes opened wide in a mixture of pain, horror and disbelief. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear barely felt the impact of the front bumper caving in the side of his skull, whipping his head to the pavement. His mouth opened involuntarily, and a scream escaped his throat as the air was squeezed from his lungs by the tire crushing his body like a giant rolling pin. The scream didn't last very long, as the next thing to come from Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear's mouth were the rest of his entrails and organs.
Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle's ears perked up as she heard the scream, and went running to the road. Seeing the last of the 1978 Buick Regal rounding over the hill, she looked at the now flattened, blood-splashed and nearly unrecognizable body of Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear lying in the road. Yappy Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle took in a long gasp of air, and let it out in a long half whistle-half sigh, slowly shaking her head.
"Golly Gosh O Gee Kerwilikers, Mr. Happy Yippie Fun Dance Jump Bear," said Yappa Deedle LollaPoochie Poodle. "These skippy yippie happy ladybugeyelash good moods you get in from saying HiHiHowdyHoopyDoo to all your friends and giving them your special WowzaDoodleBuggy Hugs on BeautyCutieFruityToodle Days, and thoughts of your favorite Ooby Gooby Blooberrie bush blossom breakfast suuuuuuuuure made you a happy-go-lucky, Cupid stupid oblivious little fuck!"
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