Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger
Humor Archive
The Star Wars Drinking Game
To play the Star Wars Drinking game, you will need:
- The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD (one movie for a short game)
- An ample supply of your favorite beverage (milk, right?)
- A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (optional)
Begin by inserting your "Star Wars" DVD into the big slot on your DVD player. If you are still watching Star Wars on a VCR tape, you might want to consider an easier game, like Candyland. I know, the songs were better in the original version, but we're not watching for the songs here. If all goes well, players will be barely conscious by the time we enter Jabba's palace. Of course we all understand how proud you are to still own your weatherbeaten tape version, but we're going to watch the DVD, okay. Dim the lights for dramatic effect, and play the DVD. The game begins right as the THX demo starts.
Once the game has begun, you watch the movie for the listed events. Every time one of them occurs, everybody takes a sip of their drink
Drink when:
- Someone has a bad feeling about this.
- It's their only hope.
- An entire planet is described as having one climate.
- Somebody gets choked.
- a woman other than Leia is on screen
- An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force. (Vader counts.)
- Somebody's hand gets cut off.
- A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
- There is a tremor in the Force.
- It's not someone's fault
- One or more heroes are almost eaten by a Thing
- A Jedi is much more powerful than he looks
- Someone exclaims "No!"
- Someone does something apparently suicidal that turns out to be
a good idea
-Twice if it's not Han - Someone wears the same outfit in all three movies--it counts if they change at the end
- Someone is mind-controlled using the Force
- People kiss
- A good guy wears white or a bad guy wears black
- Twice if a bad guy wears white and a good guy wears black (for uniforms, only the first person on screen counts)
- Three times if someone hovering in between wears gray - Every time you find yourself talking to the people on screen
- An elaborately made up alien has no lines
- Someone or something tries to get money from Han
- Some ship crashes into something after being hit.
- Someone has a light saber duel (includes just using light saber)
- An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers longer than it did when the Death Star exploded, killing billions of people. (Fourteen seconds. Count'em.)
- It is Luke's destiny.
- Luke whines.
- Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
- Luke fights monsters or savages.
- Luke does some nifty acrobatic flip.
- Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
- Luke is upside-down
- Luke and Lando are in the same place at the same time
- Twice if they speak to each other - Luke's parentage is Foreshadowed
- Luke refuses to take someone's advice
- Luke yells "Artooooo!"
- Leia insults somebody.
- Leia wears an outfit that covers everything except her face and
hands
- Twice if it covers her neck
- Three times if she's almost totally nude - Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi plays detective. ("...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
- Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
- Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
- Something doesn't work on the Falcon
- Twice if it's the hyperdrive - Yoda uses bad grammar.
- Yoda talks like a fortune cookie.
- R2-D2 gets thrashed.
- R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
- C-3PO loses a body part. (Take two drinks if he is completely dismembered.)
- C-3PO informs us of just how many forms of communication he's familiar with
- A Rebel pilot is of a race other than white
- Twice if they're non human (co-pilots count - A Rebel Pilot says "Nice Shot..."
- A Rebel Pilot says "I've been hit..."
- Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
- The Emperor cackles evilly.
- The Emperor has foreseen something.
- Vader runs into one of his kids and doesn't recognize them
- Twice if he tries to kill them - Boba Fett talks.
- Stormtroopers shoot everywhere but where they're aiming.
- Stormtrooper armor proves useless.
- Any Imperial Ship is destroyed
- A TIE fighter explodes for no reason.
The game ends when a bunch of Ewoks start dancing. No matter what you've been drinking, you will remember this image. The last person to give up drinking on each cue is the winner. Of course, ties are possible.
If at some point you find that no one can successfully operate the DVD player anymore, the game may as well be abandoned.
SPECIAL
And especially for those non drinkers, there is the:
THE STAR WARS DRINKING GAME FOR MORMONS
The rules are basically the same as the other game but the drinking cues are different. Drink when:
- Stormtroopers display intelligence, courage, or training in battle.
- Multiple Ewoks are killed.
- Fantastic technology is explained.
- Somebody listens to C-3PO.
- Somebody cares about the environment.
- The Emperor acts like a charming politician.
- A woman is on screen, and an Imperial
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