Undisclosed - Zach Bo1inger
My First Lesson
If you read some of my earlier stories about hitting on women, then you know I had problems. Maybe you knew what they were specifically, maybe you just recognized that I kept striking out and you were as confused as I was. I’m not going to tell you what secrets I’ve learned since those days, but I will tell you about my first lesson from Mike.
We went to a strip club one night. We were laughing and having a good time, as usual. All of the sudden, Mike stopped laughing. He looked very serious. He looked me in the eye. “Don’t stare, but who does that stripper on the stage look like?”
Of course I stared. I squinted and stared. I cocked my head a little. I tried every angle I could without getting out of my seat. I mentally ran through every one of Mike’s friends or ex-girlfriends I had ever met. None of them bore any resemblance. I looked back over at Mike, and he was not having fun. Mike is usually laid back and he can have fun anywhere. I had never seen him like this before. He kept looking at the door like he wanted to leave. Nothing could make him look at the stage.
“I give up,” I said, “Who is she?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Mike replied, and then he tried to change the subject. I let his new topic die down, then I asked.
“Seriously, though, who is she?”
“It’s not actually her, it just looks like her. Also, you’ve told me several times that you want to fuck her.” I was really confused. First of all, nothing gets to Mike, and yet here’s this girl who just looks like somebody else, and it makes him want to leave. Not only that, but I lusted after this mystery chick. Somebody has this kind of effect on Mike, and I told him several times that I want to fuck her. That kind of makes me a dick, but Mike is a real dick, so I don’t feel bad. It just makes me want to know.
“That doesn’t narrow it down much,” I said, “I’m always talking about girls I would fuck.”
He paused for dramatic effect. During the pause, I wonder if he was faking the drama to real me in on some joke. Finally, he breaks the silence, “My mom.” He was right, the girl on stage looked *a lot* like his mom. Also, his mom has nice legs, and I did indeed remark on several occasions that I would fuck her. I laughed outloud and he couldn’t help but laugh himself. Still, though, he would not look at the stage.
“Watch! Watch!” I said “some guy is sliding a dollar into your mom’s panties! I think his hand is wandering a little in there.” I said. From that moment on, I kept referring to her as Mike’s mom. He tried not to think it was funny.
When Mike’s mom finished her set, of course she walked off stage, went to the dressing room, and then quickly came out and walked straight to our table. She sat down next to Mike and just completely opened up to him. He wouldn’t even look at her. Within minutes she asked him if he wanted to get together when her shift was over. “No thank you,” was all he said.
“Are you sure, I could get one of the other dancers and we could have a threesome?” and he still wouldn’t look at her. “Let me give you my cell phone number,” she said and wrote it down.
“That’s not your real number,” I said, as if Mike asked for it and she was giving out a fake.
“It is too!” and she ran to grab her cell phone from the dressing room. When she came back, she grabbed Mike’s phone from the table and stored her number in it, then dialed the number so I could hear her phone ring.
“We’re going to need to know your real name, too,” I ventured.
“You don’t need to know my real name,” she said sternly to me, but then turned to Mike and softened up. Clearly she would tell him if just asked. Mike leaned back and looked bored the whole time. He still wouldn’t even glance in her direction. Even when he did answer her questions, he used single word answers and it was more like he was talking to the ceiling. She talked a little more about her previous adventures and eventually started talking to me because I was the only one who would pay attention to her. She still made it clear that the offer was for him and I was far too needy for her tastes. At some point in the conversation, I referred to her as a stripper.
“I am not a stripper, I am a dancer,” she insisted.
“So you don’t take your clothes off when you dance?” I asked. She got mad and left.
“Call me,” she said to Mike as she stormed off.
“You going to call her?” I asked after she was gone.
“Uh…no,” he answered without hesitation.
“Forget that she looks like your mom, she’s offering group sex, just like that!”
The next time I saw Mike’s mom, his real mom, I wanted her more than ever.